This is a response to a post on Sauchagirl's blog. You can read her post here (http://mybodyforlife2008.blogspot.com/2008/07/struggles.html)
It has been 12 months since I stopped putting myself last and started working on my fitness and weight loss goals. Things went stellar at first as they often do when people start these types of journeys.
4 months into it my world had a bit of a shake-up when my old company asked me to come back to work on a consulting basis 3 days a week. Tonnes of my old colleagues were envious because who wouldn't want to work 3 days a week and get paid a sweet hourly rate?
8 months have gone by and I am really struggling. I don't know if it is just summer and wanting to do more activities with my kids but I am truly stuggling to get my 3 days of work in. I am struggling with my eating, I am doing OK with my workout plan but I am sucking at other things: Keeping clutter at bay, paying attention to the bank accounts and bills, cleaning the house, keeping the fridge stocked, preparing the most basic of meals. Forget about my old hobby of keeping scrapbooks of the kids. Those are suck at December 2005 and July 2006 respectively for the two kids. I had plans of using uploading photos and getting them printed out in those bound photo books. Nope. 2007 is still unprinted as is 2008.
I need to find balance and I need to stop feeling overwhelmed. I need to spend less time screwing around on the Internet. I've chopped a whole bunch of people out of my Google Reader except for those that leave me comments and a couple of others that I really like. I'm not really watching Gut2Cut videos except for a few here and there. Maybe that is not 'supportive' of me but oh well.
Part of me wants to be a full time stay at home mom again yet how can I rationalize that when I can't get my crap together and keep the house running? Yet is it a chicken and egg scenario? Can't get my crap together until I stay home? If I say byebye to working and make myself a schedule I think I could be good at it. Couldn't I? Why on earth would I give up such a great work setup (because what I am doing is freaking boring and driving me insane maybe?)
My boss (who is the best boss in the whole world) tells me to stick it out, to not stress it over summer. Do what I can etc. etc. Which contributes to me not putting in full days of work. Argh!
Anyways... I hate flux. I wish I was a better multi tasker who could excel at 5 things at once. Could I be that person?
So Sauchagirl, I'm with you. I don't know what the secret it but I'll be in touch if I find out :) It seems like for me if I focus on my fitness goals something else is going to suffer and it pisses me off! Grrr....
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10 comments:
can I just say that your entry today actually made me sigh a HUGE sign of relief. I am not alone! I could have written your 4th paragraph myself! Of course, I have no words of wisdome or advice, but I have to say thank you for sharing - just reading that made me feel better!
Sparky, it sounds like something just isn't "fitting" in with the rest of your life as you'd expect it to. I know sometimes all my stress builds up until I feel like I can't focus on any one thing and accomplish it. Perhaps you could try taking a little bite out of the house stuff or discussing small changes with your boss? I don't know, just what I'd probably do.
Also, apparently multi-taskers do not accomplish more because they are not wholey dedicated to any one focus and tend to do 80% effort instead of 100%
Yep, you said it That is exactly how I feel. I guess maybe it's just life at this point. I long for the days of spending all day doing whatever I wanted. It certainly wouldn't be cleaning the kitchen or paying bills!
I'm not going to be much help on this note. I don't know how you gals get even part of what you accomplish done. Life was a lot simpler when I was your age. There wasn't a need for a two income family to survive.
I admire you for all you do get into a day.
Sometimes when I read your blog I get tired trying to imagine working all that into one day.
I think that sometimes the grass is greener on the other side. As you know, I am a stay-at-home mom who struggles - just in other ways.
The kids are home all day so the house is never clean and because I am the one at home, it is my "responsibility" to do things like paint doors, repair holes in walls, make doctor's appointments & cut the lawn.
With only one income, money is a constant concern and I long for the days of eating an entire meal without getting up once (much like my husband enjoys every day at lunch).
As for food & exercise - I am constantly taunted by the pantry two steps from me and getting to the gym takes some serious planning.
I don't want this to sound like a bitch post (although I guess it is turning into that) - I just want you to remember that the grass is not always greener. I think this is why many of our parents call this the "busy time of life" - if I find the secret, I'll let you know!
I totally here ya on this post. I think I am going threw the same thing minus the job thing. I am sure you will figure things out. I guess my job right now is William and I am sure once i get him on a schedule we will be OK
Spark,
I know exactly how you feel. I really do. I realize I have it very different from you NOW. However, I have had my time. I raised my daughter her entire life without a husband. I worked multiple jobs, continued going to college, and maintained my art career. I am a master juggler.
I truly believe you can have it ALL, just not at the same time!
Never in my life did I have the option of staying home with my daughter. I had to work full time and sometimes double time. She grew up without cute scrapbooks. There were times when I surely wouldn't win any "Mother of the Year" awards. Yet, she is grown and doing quite well. She is an outstanding citizen!! LOL LOL LOL
I can admit one thing about how I managed to do so much. I have always had a me first attitude. I know that sound so horrible and selfish. OH WELL! I think that is why my daughter and I survived.
Don't get me wrong. I have done a whole lot in my life, I just didn't do it all at the same time. Also, what I did well at would go in cycles.
Even now, I struggle doing EVERYTHING on my own. Trying to keep my house standing, paying my ever increasing mortgage, going to a terribly stressful job every day, and being an artist all at once can make my head spin sometimes. When that happens, I just focus on the thing that needs the most attention at the time (keeping me and my happiness in the mix as TOP PRIORITY!)
:-)
Sheree
Thanks for all your great comments!
I'm right there with you girl. I too try to juggle a part time job, household management, kids, and other obligations and I feel like I just suck at everything because there just is no focus.
I tried to cut back on some of the extras a few years ago, but somehow they creep back in to my life ... I just can't say no when someone asks for a favor. It is time to reprioritize again.
Hope things shake out for you positively.
Hey! Give me back my brain and quit writing my posts for me!
;)
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